If any casket shaped boxes come in addressed to "Blackbeard," they're for me. And don't worry if they feel a little heavy.
--Teddy
Thursday, May 22, 2008
C5
To: The cats in the room marked "Fireworks X"
Subject: Good Design
Just shouting out to you cats: whatever that box marked "C5" had in it worked great. Good bloody design, dudes.
--Teddy
Subject: Good Design
Just shouting out to you cats: whatever that box marked "C5" had in it worked great. Good bloody design, dudes.
--Teddy
Vending Machines
To: The maintanence staff in the Secret Bunker
Subject: Vending Machines
Sorry about the mess in the hall with the vending machines. I'd try and explain, but you just can't understand my feelings about nacho cheese. It used to mean something.
--Teddy
Subject: Vending Machines
Sorry about the mess in the hall with the vending machines. I'd try and explain, but you just can't understand my feelings about nacho cheese. It used to mean something.
--Teddy
Monday, May 19, 2008
Scheduling Issues
To: the scheduling office in The Secret Bunker
Subject: Daytime bloody concerts.
Don't schedule me on Sunday afternoon ever again. The audience wasn't nearly drunk enough. The concert Saturday night went well enough, but Sunday was a bloody hash.
--Teddy
Subject: Daytime bloody concerts.
Don't schedule me on Sunday afternoon ever again. The audience wasn't nearly drunk enough. The concert Saturday night went well enough, but Sunday was a bloody hash.
--Teddy
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Memo to Minions and Freeloaders
Re: Possibile illicit activities.
A reminder of smoking policy in the Secret Bunker:
There will be no smoking. We are in an enclosed space among flammable material and Gir. Weapons, including cigarettes of legal and illicit varieties, are not to be within the Bunker walls. Not to mention we live in incredibly tight quarters and I don't wanna have to smell you nut jobs.
On a related point: If anyone has been in contact with a man by the name of The Amazing Steve (aka Ded) please refer yourself to the infirmary for an immediate checkup.
A reminder of smoking policy in the Secret Bunker:
There will be no smoking. We are in an enclosed space among flammable material and Gir. Weapons, including cigarettes of legal and illicit varieties, are not to be within the Bunker walls. Not to mention we live in incredibly tight quarters and I don't wanna have to smell you nut jobs.
On a related point: If anyone has been in contact with a man by the name of The Amazing Steve (aka Ded) please refer yourself to the infirmary for an immediate checkup.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Cupcakes and Cuckcoo Clocks
The Scream got rid of the minions bothering Evie. She went back to the Infirmary because she needs space. I offered to take her out in my escape pod (hidden in Hamdingers box in the back of the galley), but she said it wasn't that kind of space.
So I came here to work for a bit. Lots of mail piled up. Must be big doings elsewhere in the bunker. Maybe Captain Gin is baking cupcakes. I loooove cupcakes. She doesn't make them very often. And sometimes when she does, she tells me not to eat them because they're for particular--particu-lar, par-tic-u-lar--minions. But I do love cupcakes. Especially chocolate.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. So I sorted the mail, although there were a couple that could go into more than one category. I ripped those in half and put one part in one box and the other in the other. Anywho there's a big package left over. It must be a present for the Almighty Tallest. I think it's a cuckcoo clock. It's ticking. A lot. I didn't even know it was his birthday. I'll put it in his room for him.
Oooh. If it's Iron John's birthday, Captain Gin should make cupcakes. And cookies. And ham. I'm going to the galley to talk to her. And lick the bowls.
So I came here to work for a bit. Lots of mail piled up. Must be big doings elsewhere in the bunker. Maybe Captain Gin is baking cupcakes. I loooove cupcakes. She doesn't make them very often. And sometimes when she does, she tells me not to eat them because they're for particular--particu-lar, par-tic-u-lar--minions. But I do love cupcakes. Especially chocolate.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. So I sorted the mail, although there were a couple that could go into more than one category. I ripped those in half and put one part in one box and the other in the other. Anywho there's a big package left over. It must be a present for the Almighty Tallest. I think it's a cuckcoo clock. It's ticking. A lot. I didn't even know it was his birthday. I'll put it in his room for him.
Oooh. If it's Iron John's birthday, Captain Gin should make cupcakes. And cookies. And ham. I'm going to the galley to talk to her. And lick the bowls.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Posters
I found these blueprints. Got "Confidential" stamped on them, and "Super Secret" posted across the top, and "yadsmood" all over it. I found them under a box of fun sized Doritos. Real smart.
Anyway, who wants them?
Anyway, who wants them?
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Dear Mr. Iron John,
It has come to our attention that you have neglected to file an income tax return with the IRS. At present, your return is three weeks in arrears. If your return is not filed within thirty days, further action shall be taken, up to and including:
Garnishment of wages
$50,000 fine
365 days in a federal penitentuary (366 if a Leap Year)
A date with Chelsea Clinton
Having your toenails removed with icicles
Seizure of all assets (including homes, cars, secret lairs, and comic book collections)
Please acquiesce and no further action will be taken. If this letter has reached you in error, please discard.
Molly Pinkwater, IRS Agent (aka The Man)
It has come to our attention that you have neglected to file an income tax return with the IRS. At present, your return is three weeks in arrears. If your return is not filed within thirty days, further action shall be taken, up to and including:
Garnishment of wages
$50,000 fine
365 days in a federal penitentuary (366 if a Leap Year)
A date with Chelsea Clinton
Having your toenails removed with icicles
Seizure of all assets (including homes, cars, secret lairs, and comic book collections)
Please acquiesce and no further action will be taken. If this letter has reached you in error, please discard.
Molly Pinkwater, IRS Agent (aka The Man)
Friday, May 2, 2008
Confetti!
Did somebody have a party in here? There's confetti all over the floor.
I'm gonna roll around in it.
Wheeeeeeee!
I'm gonna roll around in it.
Wheeeeeeee!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Where the hell is the suggestion box?
[snipped],
2300 [snipped] [snipped]
[snipped], [snipped] [snipped]
To whoever,
Where the hell is the suggestion box? Jesus.
--Bloodthirsty Teddy
p.s. I do have ideas sometimes.
p.p.s. Cookies and other baked goods. Hint, hint.
p.p.p.s. I know where you live. All of you.
2300 [snipped] [snipped]
[snipped], [snipped] [snipped]
To whoever,
Where the hell is the suggestion box? Jesus.
--Bloodthirsty Teddy
p.s. I do have ideas sometimes.
p.p.s. Cookies and other baked goods. Hint, hint.
p.p.p.s. I know where you live. All of you.
Minion Inquiry
Bruno
Minions R Us
2300 Briar Rd.
Top Secret, USA
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to inquire about your need for supplementary staff. As an ambitious global network with goals of world domination, I am sure you would agree on the difficulty of finding quality minions. Have no fear, Minions R Us is here!
Our company's mission is to provide enterprising go-getters like you with the highest quality temporary, permanent, and dispensable staff. Our vast catalogue of minions includes many levels of brains and brawn, all available at wholesale rates.
I have enclosed a sample catalogue to illustrate the quality and variety of minions you can purchase or rent. If you have any questions at all, please do not hesitate to call at ###-####, extension 56.
Sincerely,
Bruno
Minions R Us
2300 Briar Rd.
Top Secret, USA
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to inquire about your need for supplementary staff. As an ambitious global network with goals of world domination, I am sure you would agree on the difficulty of finding quality minions. Have no fear, Minions R Us is here!
Our company's mission is to provide enterprising go-getters like you with the highest quality temporary, permanent, and dispensable staff. Our vast catalogue of minions includes many levels of brains and brawn, all available at wholesale rates.
I have enclosed a sample catalogue to illustrate the quality and variety of minions you can purchase or rent. If you have any questions at all, please do not hesitate to call at ###-####, extension 56.
Sincerely,
Bruno
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